Snippets

We skipped straight from winter to summer this year. We were robbed of spring. It’s been hot and the air is filled with humidity and there has been a lot of rain and everything is damp.

My naturally wavy hair is reflecting the atmospheric conditions and this morning, while preparing school lunches for the kids, Charlie looked at me, tilted his head studiously and said, “Your hair is sticking up everywhere. You look like Albert Einstein.”

“If Albert Einstein were accidentally electrocuted.”

Cherish. Cherish every moment.

I was in the emergency room with Henry one evening last week. Our visit stretched into the wee hours of the morning while the staff diligently worked to determine why he was in so much pain.

At one point, in order to more comfortably perform a diagnostic test, they administered pain medication to him through an intravenous drip. Henry’s relief was almost instantaneous and he marveled aloud at how quickly the drug had worked.

“I can’t believe how much better I feel already,” Henry declared.

Having been given the same drug in the same emergency room last summer for an interminable migraine and having found the same tremendous fast-acting relief from pain, I looked at Henry and said a little too excitedly, “I KNOW, RIGHT? AREN’T DRUGS AMAZING?”

It wasn’t until the nurse looked at me a little wide-eyed that I realized I may have sounded a bit overly enthusiastic for pharmaceuticals. It was so very late and I was so very tired. I tried to course correct by launching into a brief summary for Henry of the nation’s current opioid crisis and the challenges we face in fighting the devastating effects of powerful drugs. Then, I inexplicably gave the nurse a knowing wink but somehow this just made everything tragically worse and significantly more uncomfortable.

I’m pretty sure the nurse thought the D.A.R.E. t-shirt Henry was wearing by sheer coincidence was merely a prop.

I find thunderstorms mostly delightful so on Monday afternoon, when the skies turned dark, I told the kids to put down the small screens and join me in my bedroom for a good old-fashioned storm-watchin’. When the rain began and hindered our view out the windows, Henry asked if we could go sit in the garage, with the door open, to watch the storm. I hesitated momentarily because I had definitely heard some thunder but agreed it would be fun so we relocated to a decidedly more hazardous location.

Since we’re responsible parents, we made the kids sit towards the back of the garage. You know, for safety.

Within minutes, everything went from FUN to DOOM. I remember hearing Bob slam the garage door shut and I remember thinking the big bay windows were definitely, most likely, positively going to break from the hail and I remember being in disbelief at how loud it all was and I remember hustling everyone to the basement.

Charlie, no one’s fool, was already down there. With a blanket, a book, several stuffed animals, and a flashlight.

The worst of it was over in a few minutes but our home is a mess. Shredded window screens, damaged roof, punctured siding, mangled trim, dented everything. We’re fine. It will all be fine. But, still. That was SOME storm.

While I was at the drug store late Saturday night, buying all manner of items to soothe the never-ending parade of symptoms and ailments that have descended upon our home of late, I picked up a pint of my favorite ice cream. Showing an unreasonable amount of restraint, I didn’t open it that evening. Charlie took notice of it in the freezer the next afternoon though and asked, rather slyly, what my intentions with that ice cream were. I explained I was saving it.

“For another time,” I replied.

“Oh, come on, mom,” Charlie pleaded. “It’s Mother’s Day. Doesn’t that mean you have to share?”

I chuckled and said, “Charlie. That’s not how it works.”

But then I thought, yes, that’s pretty much exactly how it works. Every time.

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Home Renovations Take Longer Than HGTV Would Lead You To Believe

The really cool thing about home renovations is you get to find out what’s hidden behind cabinets or walls or baseboards. You get a glimpse at spaces you don’t normally see.

Take for example the kitchen renovation we undertook in January. When we pulled out our dishwasher and the cabinets that surrounded it, we found a nest of mice! I mean, they had obviously heard us coming and vacated already but they left behind lots of goodies like acorn shells and insulation they had dragged up from the basement. They sure are industrious little buggers. Also, super big props to the contractor that installed the kitchen 22 years ago and left a soup can-sized hole around the dishwasher’s electrical conduit!

But, enough about the mice that we no longer have but that still haunt my dreams.

This is what we started with. It was fine and I was so grateful when we found this house that it came with a kitchen that didn’t need immediate work. However, after four years, I still, frequently, tried to open those cabinet doors on the wrong side. I need HANDLES. Hinges on one side, handles on the other.

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Here’s the after. And, look, I’m not one of those home renovation bloggers so this isn’t a fancy photo shoot but I did fold my dish towels nice and neat before I started taking pictures so, you know, effort.

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I love that the cabinets now go to the ceiling. Sure, I can’t reach anything at all on those top shelves so I haven’t put anything up there but still, there is no longer a space on the outside that collects SO MUCH DUST.

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We waffled on closing up that kitchen cutout for a long time. (You can see above that we pushed a piece of furniture in front of it to help determine if we missed the view.)

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We don’t miss the view. Bob and I spotted the pineapple painting in a gallery window while we were on our honeymoon. We both loved it so we purchased it and had it shipped home. Then, we had kids and never spent large sums of money so frivolously ever again. It feels like it finally found its perfect spot.

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In the original design, this wall was going to hold the refrigerator and some pantry cabinets and that would have been great and afforded lots of extra storage but I found a piece of furniture instead and I really like furniture. The bottom half of this hutch can still hold a fair amount of Doritos so I think we’re good.

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With the cutout above the sink closed up, we gained a lot of useful space on the dining room side, too. Surprisingly, this is probably my favorite change the kitchen renovation brought. Well, this and the fact that we broke up that gang of mice under the dishwasher.

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And, no, we did not end up renovating the kitchen ourselves. We went back and forth for awhile, debating whether our marriage could withstand a diy kitchen remodel and, ultimately, decided our union was more important. Bob and I like each other but we don’t like each other enough to renovate a kitchen together. Also, it seemed like there would be a lot of math involved in such an undertaking. Math is hard.

We did, however, serve as our own general contractors on the project and, not to brag or anything, but also if I may brag for a moment, we came in ahead of schedule and under budget. I asked for a trophy but Bob just pointed in the direction of the brand new kitchen instead.

I still have to figure out the window covering situation and there’s a little punch list left that will inevitably take us six months to complete but, I’m calling this space done.

Which means, you are all cordially invited over for chicken nuggets and tator tots.

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2018 Manifesto

1. I will CALM DOWN about October. The arrival of fall fleece weather causes such a frenzy of excitement that I over-schedule every corner of October to take maximum advantage of no longer sweating the instant I open my front door. October then becomes this giant blur. It begins with a couple of mums on the front porch, a giant scarf around my neck and the first hot beverage of the season but it always seems to end in a frantic fit of exhaustion and shame when my kids find me shoving one more snack size Kit Kat in my mouth before I set fire to all of their Halloween candy whilst yelling, “WE FORGOT TO GO TO AN APPLE ORCHARD!” October is crafty in that it promotes itself as this super chill month full of deep breaths and crisp fall air but in actuality, you never stop moving the entire time before tumbling into November and then Thanksgiving which bleeds into the December holidays and then you wake up sometime in January five pounds heavier with wrapping paper stuck to your pajamas. It all begins innocuous enough. I’m on to you, October and I will not fall prey this year.

2. I will step away from the news at regular intervals so as not to fall into a pit of depression and despair, believing that the destruction of mankind is imminent and all hope has been lost.

3. I will invest in me.

*insert tremendous eyeroll here*

But, lo, I am firmly in my forties now and no longer as physically resilient as I once was. Basically, stuff on my person hurts. So, this year, I’m striving to fix what’s broken. That means, I’m going to wear the stupid brace at night to help alleviate the carpal tunnel syndrome I developed while growing three children with my body. I’m also going to do the stretching I’m supposed to do to help alleviate the plantar fasciitis I developed from excessive hiking to get some alone time away from the three children I grew with my body. I’m going to make the appointments and take the supplements and drink the water and get that weird bump behind my ear looked at so I can be as healthy as I can be for me and for the three children that wrecked everything when I grew them with my body.

4. I will finally figure out how to make the theme song from “Parks and Recreation” be my phone’s ringtone because it is delightful. I should probably ask Henry how to do this, better preparing him for the years and years he’ll spend down the road exasperatingly troubleshooting technology for his parents.

5. I will make a HUGE punch list of the home improvement items around this house that need to get accomplished so we can actually accomplish them. Bob and I talk all the time about our to-do list, casually mentioning over breakfast that the laundry room needs painting or the basement curtains are still waiting to be hung or the crack in the hallway needs patching. Frankly, someone needs to write all of this stuff down because we are easily distracted and inevitably one of us gets busy with something else or decides to take a nap or retreats with a book or goes shopping instead, forgetting all about the laundry room, the basement and the hallway. Then, the next weekend, we LITERALLY have the very same discussion about the things that need to get done around the house. It’s all very counter-productive. Bob asked for some sort of a master list some months ago so we can go room by room as time permits to complete the work and I love a good checklist so I’m going to make this happen. I’ll probably laminate it, to be honest.

6. I will show my kids new places and new things. As much as I love to lament parenthood, I think my kids are pretty much the coolest people on the planet. They’re so interesting and they love to learn and are so curious and they’re getting easier and more fun to take out in public. Bob set a goal of traveling into the city frequently this year to show them a new museum or exhibit and I’ve set a goal of two vacations with them to places that none of us have traveled before. This year, I really want to focus on more experiences and less stuff.

(I’m also in that post-Christmas deep regret stage as I try to organize and find space for the hoard of presents I brought into our home so, we’ll see how this one pans out is all.)

7. I will be generous with my time, resources and talent. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to better the lives of those around me. Not just for my husband and my children, but looking beyond that. I’d like to figure out how to extend generosity – in whatever form that takes – farther out in the circle. I have a certain set of talents and expertise and I have friends that are extremely talented and super smart in other things and sometimes, I feel like if we could just pool our gifts, combine our resources, we could make lives better. Easier. Lovelier. Kinder. For ourselves and for others. I’m going to figure out how to build that community of generosity this year. I feel like the world could use a lot more of it.

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