No Thank You

A recent episode of The Moth podcast aired a story told by Elna Baker about her time living in New York City saying “yes” to every opportunity and experience that came her way. Elna is the author of the delightful book, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance and her funny address to the audience at The Moth tells of how being amenable to everything led to amazing encounters. (If you haven’t already, definitely add The Moth to your podcast rotation! It’s really good stuff.)

Anyway, Bob and I are just like Elna Baker only the opposite because we’re saying no to all the things. Well, not all the things. Just some of the things. We are strategically saying no to opportunities and activities in an effort to make areas of our family life run a bit smoother. Basically, we’re streamlining.

Here are five things we’ve said no to recently:

1. Cub Scouts. I really, really wanted Cub Scouts to work for the boys. My father was a Boy Scout and points to his experience with scouting as a driving force in his youth. Scouting seems like such a good idea in theory – outdoor adventures, campfires, service to others, learning how to tie complicated knots. That’s what I thought Cub Scouts would be like. However, mostly, we just sold things, like popcorn. I don’t think the scouting of today is like the scouting my father enjoyed.

Our entire fall was seemingly spent selling popcorn and picking up popcorn and delivering popcorn and collecting money for popcorn. Since I had served as the treasurer of Henry’s Cub Scout pack in Richmond, I knew that a large chunk of fundraising efforts goes right back to the local Boy Scouts council. Which, I don’t know. The amount seemed kind of egregious. When we moved up north, we found a much larger pack to join and I thought maybe things would be different. It wasn’t. We just managed the sale and distribution of a lot of popcorn during our precious weekend free time. Bob and I were bummed. Plus, there was a lot of weekly homework with this new pack. Lots of worksheets to complete and pictures to color and the whole thing just seemed like such a drag. We absolutely do not need more busywork in our lives. Henry hadn’t even learned to tie one knot.

So, we quit. Henry wasn’t that into it which sealed the deal. If he were genuinely interested, we would have nurtured that but he was not. I was disappointed to quit something before the year was finished but it was absolutely the right thing to do. We don’t have any regrets. If we were city-bound, I might feel differently. But, we live a couple of miles from the Appalachian Trail, have regular bonfires in our backyard and have to do nightly tick checks so we’re pretty outdoorsy to begin with. (The kids are, not me. Oh, haha, definitely not me. I’m inside on my phone.) And, Bob has promised to teach all of our children how to tie knots.

2. Satellite TV. It’s a little crazy but we haven’t had programmed television up in this joint for about six weeks now. Back in March, our satellite TV provider doubled our rates. That would be just fine if we could ever find anything to watch on our TV ever. We never could. Instead, Bob and I spent hours flipping the remote, past several hundred home shopping channels, just to find HGTV (me) or the History channel (him) or Disney Junior (them). We had made progress in our effort to lessen the amount of television the kids watched but we thought we could do better. The rate jump was merely the final impetus for cutting it out completely.

I’ll admit I was nervous, you guys. The TV is kind of the background noise to my daily tasks. I’ll watch the news while folding laundry or doing the dishes and we would typically plop the kids in front of Disney Junior just to survive the last hour before bedtime. Taking that all away seemed drastic. Especially, since where we live means very limited options when it comes to television. We don’t have cable that runs to our neighborhood, hence the satellite dish, and our internet connection, which is barely a notch above AOL’s dial-up service, means we can’t stream anything, ever. Even a rooftop antenna would only get us one channel out of West Virginia (Ion. I don’t even know what that is.)

So it came as a huge surprise that, since canceling our service, we don’t miss television at all. Not even a little bit. We signed up for Netflix which sends us DVDs in the mail, so antiquated a notion that they should probably be delivered on ponies. And, the kids can rent some familiar titles at the library (Sophia the First, Curious George) so they’re happy. To replace the dearth of news programming, I successfully stay current on world events by reading, my Twitter feed and watching clips of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight on YouTube.

We’re also doing more – gasp – reading. Instead of plopping the kids in front of the TV after pajamas are donned, we’re diving into chapter books. And, Bob and I are doing more – gasp – talking. Instead of plopping down in front of the TV at night after we’ve plopped the kids in bed after they’ve been plopped in front of the TV, we sit and chat instead. All in all, it was a dramatic change that wasn’t so dramatic after all.

3. Diapers. We’re done with diapers folks. It’s been one tumultuous decade of diapering and wiping the behinds of others but it is all in the rearview mirror. Millie was true to the post-3-years-old tradition around here of learning how to properly use the toilet but once she decided she was Good & Ready, it was all done in only a couple of days. She stays dry at night, too. (I’m so glad I just spent $50.00 on pull-ups.)

All of the kids in this picture can use the toilet independently!

All of the kids in this picture can use the toilet independently!

This has made our life so much easier in so many ways. It’s also entirely weird to walk right past the baby section at Target. I have spent a decade – a DECADE – of my life shopping that area for formula, bottles, toddler snacks, lotion, body wash, pacifiers, wipes, crib sheets, socks and diapers. Now, I have zero reason to go back. It is delightful and a bit disconcerting all at the same time. It’s like I’ve graduated to the other part of the store, the girls section, where all of the glitter and too short shorts are found. I’m ready but I’m not ready but I am so here we go!

4. Tiny youth sports. Charlie, man. Despite saying he wanted to play soccer again this season, he totally didn’t want to play soccer again this season. He is entirely uninterested and watching his lack of enthusiasm from the sidelines, on a Saturday afternoon when I could be doing a million other things, has cemented my feelings that sports are for the older kid set. Henry plays soccer as well and is really pretty committed but he also has over three years of age advantage on Charlie. So, I think we’re pulling the plug on Charlie and team sports after this spring season concludes. (We already quit Cub Scouts so I can’t quit another thing prematurely. It’s goes against my principles. I’m still counting down the Saturdays until it is all gloriously over though.) I know the argument is that youth sports helps teach kids how to be part of a team but Charlie’s one of three kids so he’s basically learning how to be on a team just by waking up in the morning. We’ll reevaluate in another year or two but I’m not really mourning this loss.

5. Volunteering. Between church and school and our community, there is a lot going on and it seems like the need for volunteers to help with this or that is endless. Because I like to be helpful and don’t like awkward silences when no one steps up to fill a need, I have overcommitted myself in the past. One of the things I’ve tried to do recently is really be more strategic about what I say yes to and what I say no to. This is really hard for me because I want to Do! All! The! Things! but what I’ve found is that saying no to the wrong things helps me find and say yes to the right things. By saying no to an intensive volunteer opportunity with the kids’ new school, I’ve been able to say yes to co-chairing my local MOPS group. Trading something that wasn’t a good fit for something that was. Picking and choosing carefully instead of randomly plugging in my efforts has really helped me manage my time more effectively and works much better for our family.

So, let’s compare notes. Tell me, what have you gleefully said no to recently?

2 thoughts on “No Thank You

  1. Glad you said no to scouts. The girls got all that and more from Camp Eberhart. Kelsey started attending the summer after 2nd grade. It is probably the single most influential experience in their life.

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