Rango Unchained

It seems like lately, we’ve been losing things around here. Random stuff. Disappearing. Gone. Never to be seen again.

Last week, in the span of twelve hours, every single pacifier we had in our home disappeared. And, we have A LOT of pacifiers. Millie was walking around one evening before bed with one pacifier in her mouth and a pacifier in each hand and by the next morning… POOF! No pacifiers anywhere. Not one. I looked and looked to no avail. I searched everywhere from kitchen drawers and behind closet doors to toy and truck bins to the deepest recesses of her car seat (SUCH a bad idea). Nothing. So, I reasonably decided that… WELP, I guess we’re done with pacifiers! What a great time to give up this teeth-destroying tradition. Good luck getting to sleep, Millie!

And, one of my good cereal bowls (WHAT? Good cereal bowls can be a Thing.) is missing. One whole bowl. It’s my favorite color of blue and has three matching friends and frankly, I’m very curious where it disappeared to. Every time I empty the dishwasher and only stack three bowls in the cabinet, I think of that fourth one. I’m going to go ahead and blame Bob for this. I bet he broke it and threw away the evidence and didn’t want to tell me. I’ve noticed him avoiding eye contact whenever I’m emptying the dishwasher and wondering aloud, “Where is that other bowl?” Well, he’s going to be playing dumb for a long, long time because I love that set of dishes and will never part with them so my questions will never die, Bob!

We’ve lost sweatshirts this year, brand new gloves (TWICE!), several of those Angel Dear lovies, too many Legos to count and one half of a pair of shoe trees that still has Bob shaking his head in confusion. So, in summary, our house is like a 3,000 square foot Lost and Found with only the lost part – never the found part.

It should come as no surprise then that my kids lost a DVD we rented from the library; the animation epic, Rango.

Where did you go, Rango?

Where did you go, Rango?

Here’s a good place to point out that I am NOT a fan of the hundreds of children’s videos our library offers for rent. A library is traditionally for books, right? Print media? Things with words? I mean, even the books-on-tape are books. There isn’t really anything literary about The Wiggles: Tinsel Town Tunes. So, I kind of resent the GIANT WALL of impossible-to-unsee movies that they beeline for the minute we enter the kid’s wing. It becomes all about the movies and a lot less about the amazing, lovely, imagination-building books. And, yes, I could probably put my foot down and just say no to the DVDs but I have so many kids, you see. I am so tired.

During a recent library trip, I reluctantly agreed to the rental of Rango, a Maisy video and one other tractor-themed DVD Charlie was panting over. I managed to grab a few picture books and chapter books on the way out but the kids were, of course, more excited about the DVDs.

Millie managed to break the Maisy video into three pieces within two minutes of arriving home. Apparently, she was struggling to release the DVD from its case and through brute two-year-old force, eventually won its freedom. Maisy, obviously, lost that battle but that’s okay because I hate mice anyway.

So, we knew Maisy was a goner, however, when library day rolled around again and I was hunting the house for the deliverables, I was surprised to open the Rango case and find no Rango. I knew I had spied it, sans case, laying around over the previous two weeks but couldn’t find it anywhere; not in any of the DVD players or portable DVD players or my laptop’s DVD player or… goodness gracious, we have a lot of DVD players. None of them held the movie in question. 

By the time Henry arrived home from school I was flustered, out of breath from tearing the house apart and totally irritated. Henry and I went around again and looked everywhere you could possibly think of for that DVD. In fact, think of someplace in our house right now in your head where it could be and I can guarantee you, we looked there. Rango was awol.

When the little ones awoke from naps, I grumbled on and on to everyone about the lost DVD and personal responsibility and how this is why we can’t have nice things.

Since honesty really IS the best policy, I marched three kids and two ruined and/or missing DVDs up to the counter at the library that afternoon and demanded my children apologize to the lovely elderly woman standing there. They did, after which she thanked them for telling the truth, punched some buttons on her computer and asked me for $64.94. I almost fired my kids on the spot.

After running some quick numbers in my head, I asked if I could just go to Target and purchase replacement DVDs for the cases and she stopped me mid-sentence to explain some complicated thing about ISBN code and how it has to be a special video ordered from the special library supplier and Target isn’t special.

I paid the fees, gritted my teeth and dragged my children over to the kid’s video wall long enough to let them gaze at the selection while I whisper-yelled, “NO MORE!” Then, they reluctantly agreed to look for books before we headed for home. I mean, books. How boring can you get at the library, right?

So, the takeaway here is that lying is warranted at times. Also, have you seen my blue cereal bowl?

2 thoughts on “Rango Unchained

  1. This really made me laugh out loud. One of the many reasons we are such good friends is we also lose stuff and I have actually had the library contact me via email because I returned a DVD case with no DVD in it and they were notifying me that I was going to be charged some crazy amount if I didn’t immediately pony up the DVD.

    • Well, did you find the DVD? Did you? I know I’ll be looking for Rango in my dreams for years to come. Since I have Anne of Green Gables on the brain, I will exclaim that we are kindred spirits.

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