Oh, Anthro

So, it would appear that irritatingly unrealistic catalogue scenes are a thing with me now. Because, Anthropologie mailed me their latest offering and my eyes just about rolled out of my head when I saw this:

IMG_1330

What is she wearing? Where are her pants? Why is this happening? I have so many questions.

Let’s break down what exactly it is I’m looking at here. It appears to be a woman escorting two horses near the Pakistan/Afghan border which everyone knows is totes unstable and dangerous. However, I can tell she’s obviously prepared for this ill-advised trek as she’s wearing sensible shoes whose significant heels make sense given the terrain. And, everyone knows that riding horses without pants is really the only practical way to ride horses so that seems completely rational. Her hands look toasty warm underneath those fur cuffs even if the lace sleeves come up LITERALLY short. The vest looks appropriate for the chilly winter landscape, although, I can just tell that horse HATES her hat. But, to each their own, horse. Besides, don’t you know most body heat escapes through the head? And, say, not at all through the vast uncovered divide between elbow and wrist? Or, underwear and hiking socks?

Somewhere, a creative director is feeling really, really good about this spread.

Look, I know catalogues are all about carefully crafted images and stylized feelings and creating moods. Something for shoppers to attain to; to desire. I get that. I’ve watched a lot of Mad Men. But nothing in this picture nor anything in this vignette is remotely desirable. And, I’m not just saying that as a jealous, tired, haters be hating mom who may or may not have dropped their kid off at preschool today without wearing a bra. I’m saying that as a woman. A fellow human being. Even my most stylish friends – and I have quite a few – do not aspire to walk horses around a field during winter in Outer Mongolia wearing little more than a knitted hat topped by a pom pom.

I appreciate your attempt to create emotion, Anthropologie, but I would argue that catalogues selling me wares need to at least try to be a teeny, tiny bit realistic. I mean, there is no way this woman lives in that yurt:

IMG_1331

Those dogs look hungry. I wouldn’t turn my back on them, is all I’m saying.

Maybe she’s just on a very trendy yurt vacation? I’m positive that’s a thing somewhere. But, I can’t really know for sure because her pants say party but her sweater screams solitude.

Anthropologie, I ordered an adorable tea towel from you one time – ONE TIME! – and now I can’t shake your whimsical, bejeweled, statement necklace grip. You find me at each new address even though, let’s be honest here, we both know I am not your preferred demographic. I’m still wearing yoga pants I grabbed off the clearance rack at Target three years ago.

One day though, I will be. One day, my kids will stop wiping questionable things on me and my Target tops and, inversely, stop asking me to wipe questionable things off of them and their backsides and then, THEN! I will be back. I will look at your fancy catalogues and maybe buy that really cute purse and possibly that one skirt but until then, I respectively request that you and your aggressive Huskies, leave me alone. Also, I will never, never buy that pom-pom hat. Let’s both agree that is just ridiculous.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Oh, Anthro

  1. About the time you are “ready” to shop their catalog you will start to think… team uniforms, first cars, proms, college, vacations the list is endless.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s